March Reflection
It’s been a while since I did monthly reflections here…or anywhere. But because I do care about putting words to what I’m learning, I’m borrowing Emily P. Freeman’s February reflection questions and applying them to March.
When was a moment of clarity?
There were a lot of things this month that I badly wanted to go my way, and I thought about them on a pretty constant loop, arranging and rearranging what I should do or say to ensure that everything happened as I wanted. Basically, I spent a lot of time trying to control the future through my mind, and it left me scared, anxious, and twisted in knots.
My moment of clarity came when I realized that I am wasting my time planning these hypothetical future interactions. I should release it all to God, in whose hands it all remains anyway, and trust that he will help me figure out the details if they are needed, if these things ever happen anyway. Remembering this brought me not only clarity but a huge rush of freedom, and reminding myself of it whenever I start to obsessively plan helps me let it go.
Where did you see God this month?
This has been a month when I’ve been so busy that I’ve worried I was ignoring God. I have read my Bible. I’ve prayed. But the connection I sometimes feel has not been as strong, and my behavior has concerned me.
Even so, God is here with me. When I have slowed down, or even just specifically looked for him, he has never been far. He was with me in the anxiety I described above. He has brought me back to love when it was easier to hold anger, and humility when I tried to feel superior. He has reminded me repeatedly of his love for me in the everyday circumstances of a busy month, and he has helped me turn that love toward others when it would have been easier to keep running. I love his reminders that he has changed me and is still changing me to live my life his way, even when I have different ideas.
What is one thing you want to leave behind?
I’ve said this one a million times, but I want to leave behind the rush and the hurry. Things are busy, but it doesn’t mean I have to be rushed. I want to do a better job in carving out moments of rest, refreshment, and celebration in my days.